You know those magical first weeks after you’ve met someone. And you just can’t believe how amazing the person is? (and beautiful and smart all at once…even well off, with a great job. A soul mate and a perfect match for you!) You want to spend all your time together and start to believe watching soccer matches (or shoe shopping) has always been your favourite hobby. As long he/she is right there with you. Because you just can’t imagine an afternoon or/and an evening apart…
And then weeks, or months go by and you slightly start to realize the person has changed. And you’re not happy either. You blame the other person and you blame yourself. You see more and more things that annoy you. And try to change you even more to bring back the feeling of “connection” of the first weeks. Who doesn’t know it? I realized I’ve been functioning from there in so many relationships chose. And always thought that’s the way it’s supposed to be, because that’s what I saw all around me.
What if realationship isn’t something that doesn’t just happens to us, but we get to create it?
What if we could do some things different from the beggining on and save ourself a lot of drama and dissapointment?
There are some Access Consciousness tools that can make a relationship easier for you!
1. ASK QUESTIONS
I grew up believing there is this particular someone who I need to find in order to live happily ever after. Now looking from a different point of view: what if that’s not true for me and keeps me in a no choice universe once I decide that’s “the one”? Can making my partner the source of my happiness ever work out well for me?
Instead of trying to look for someone to fulfull your fairytale fantasy and commit to forever or “till death do us part” ask yourself:
- Would this relationship be fun?
- Would it be easy?
- Would it work for me?
What energy comes up? Light or heavy? Follow your knowing and go where it’s light. Start trusting yourself (it’s the easy way), when it feels off it usually is. And yes, it is hard to understand why we sometimes still choose it…
You can ask this every time you are with a person and make a new choice every day. Doesn’t it feel light to know that?
2. MOVE BEYOND JUDGEMENT
We were trained to judge from a young age. Every judgement (positive and negative) limits our choices and stops us from growing. For me, starting to see things for what they are made a huge difference – my point of view “Oh, he’s so amazing” was a judgement as well. Not seeing it as a judgement, just because it’s not something negative cut out a lot of my awarenes about men. Unwillingness to see what was true led me to several dissapointments.
Judgements and awareness can look the same, the only difference is awareness has no emotional charge on it, where judgements have feelings connected to it and lock the decision in forever.
So, how do you get out of judgement?
First thing is you become aware of it when you’re doing it and choose to stop. Being around people who don’t judge you or themselves helps a lot. Get awareness of what is really true, or what you concluded/judged to be. I am not trying to make life without judgement sound easy, if you were trained to do it all your life. I realized it’s also not about being perfect and beating yourself up for times you judge. It’s a choice you make because it makes your life more expansive.
3. MOVE BEYOND EXPECTATIONS
Have you ever noticed the best things happen when you’re not planning every detail or even expecting them?
Whenever you’re expecting something to happen, you cut off your awareness. Things don’t come the way you planned and you’re disappointed.
4. GAIN CLARITY AND AWARENESS
Is your partner saying something because he thinks it is what you want to hear, or because it’s really true? People will say things they assume you want to hear for different reasons: to avoid the argument, to make you happy, because they believe you can’t even hear the truth at that point in time (and sometimes they’re right)… I demand clarity for myself, but I learned confrontations and arguements don’t work to me. Saying truth in your head before every question you ask and you will get an awareness if something he/she said is actually true. You can also ask: what can I be or do different that would make all this a different reality?
5. DESTROY, UNCREATE AND UNDEFINE YOUR RELATIONSHIP EVERY DAY
Destroy and uncreate your relationship, doesn’t mean to break up. It just destroys and uncreates everything your relationship was yesterday (including all limitations and point of views) to make space for something even greater to show up. What would it take to have a greater relationship beyond all your definitions?
6. GET RID OF AGENDAS
Agendas are where you decide how relationship or your partner should be or even look like. When your agendas don’t match with your partners agendas you have a conflict. You want to look at partner’s agendas as well as your own. I started to work intensely on my agendas a few weeks ago. Some things were so unclear/uncomfortable that I didn’t want to admit to myself I have an agenda there. Until I realized I do and I need to be truthful to myself if I ever want to change it. That meant giving up on what was the right thing here from my point of view and just accept things as they are without blaming me. It worked, things got lighter.
Ask yourself what are your (or partners) agendas here and how can you destroy and uncreate them.
**Just reading this article alone will not change your life. But it can expand your awareness and allows you to choose differently in similar situation and use these tools for more ease.